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Hello!

It’s been a tad over 4 years since I’ve even considered putting my thoughts in my blog. I’m a victim of my own propensity to rearrange priorities to allow me to do as little as possible. Sometimes I can be busy as can be and accomplish a LOT, then other days getting out of bed seems to be a chore. However I was just too lazy to do anything, thinking that what I had to say wasn’t of any value.
As I type this it’s 09/30/2019 and very EARLY in the morning. The peace and quiet of the morning is so comforting.
So much has happened since my last post (Sept, 2010)
In that time I had at least 5 different part time jobs, retired – then moved three times – to Nashville, back to Chicago, to Pittsville, WI and finally to Wisconsin Rapids.
The only apparent constant in my life has been music. In retrospect, my working life which on the surface seems to resemble the profile of a very unstable person, is in actuality a number of jobs taken in order to support the one thing in my life I can do really well – playing Music.
Last year after leaving Nashville to move back to Chicago, it finally dawned on me that in the final analysis the reason I was put on earth was to play music. Music has been the thread that has run through my life in a very pronounced way and sometimes as a repressed pleasure for a few years, At least I thought it was a repressed pleasure fed on fantasy due to a lack of a positive self-image – a trait that seemed to ebb and flow in my life for as long as I can remember.
I’ve decided to change the tenor of this blog and steer it from a dark journal of regretted moves and amazement over good fortune to a more positive log of music, gig happenings, stories and other “brain-farts.”

I look forward to more regular, diverse and happy entries!!!

yay exclamation - approval, congratulation, or triumph concept -isolated text in vintage letterpress wood type

yay exclamation – approval, congratulation, or triumph concept -isolated text in vintage letterpress wood type

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I guess I did!!!

Very cool!

A lot has happened since my last entry! I’ve realized a lot about myself, I’ve come to an awareness of what constitutes decent blog content – hopefully, I’ll not become a cure for insomnia – and, I’ll not include in the brain fart any thing that belongs in my journal. The journal is a tool I use as a medium of self-analysis and it also allows me to get pissed off and put pen to paper thereby working out angst both mentally and physically!

I made some really stupid moves this year, Hurt some feelings and had a lot of good ideas, too – BUT! you’re not going to read about any of those subjects in this here blog! This will not be a place where I will chronicle mistakes and miscues and beat myself up about it. I’ve done enough of that!

I plan on being observational regarding things that I like. However, Religion, Politics, and other provocative sources of argumentative possibilities will NOT be broached herein!!

So there!!!

I’ll call ’em as I see ’em, but ONLY about things that interest ME!!!! I’ll finally have a venue that will allow me to be selfish – get that awful trait out of my system – and then show a better me to the world beyond my purview……

Thursday is Thanksgiving Day, I hope EVERYONE is able to share the day with some about whom they care!

Have a great day!

: I really miss school, such that it was…. I really wish I had more teachers like Lou Prete. He was my English teacher in
Freshman year and Creative Writing teacher in Senior year.. HE was the one who transformed me from a lazy lump into an
inquisitive, inquiring, creative person, he was a part-time stand-up comic, musician, folk singer and very giving muse.
I remember I saw the Beatles on Ed Sullivan in 1964 and I expressed an interest in playing an instrument as I’m sure 99.44% of
all the 12 year old boys within earshot of that evening’s TV show.
As I reached Freshman year of High School, I began to see after a rather intimidating Freshman orientation week, that I really
had no direction..
My last period class (2:15 – 3:05 PM, Mon. – Fri) in Freshman year was English 101. My teacher was Lou Prete; the man was a cross between George
Carlin, Mel Brooks, Lloyd Thaxton and my favorite Uncle.
Since my class was essentially a remedial class (I had to take English in summer school to fit in to high school that fall) Mr
Prete did his best to be firm but fair.

The priests and coaches that taught classes I felt had a facade of “False Machismo,” in that, the priests seemed to all act like
the Vincent Price character in “Song of Bernadette,” where the Monsignor, played my Mr. Price was insulted that a mere peasant
girl could be so arrogant as to suggest that the Blessed Virgin should waste Her time and appear to Bernadette!

And the coaches all acted as if they had just returned from a combination  Super Bowl  victory where they made the game-
winning play, an Olympic Gold Medal – just for the fact that they were on the Earth AND an attitude of Torquemada, where if you ever  had the un-mitigated temerity to question any of their talents and/or accomplishments, you would be in for school year full of corporal punishment where you would never be allowed to forget or be forgive for your “transgression.” Plus, as teachers they all approached their students as if the students were expected to actually KNOW ALL of the given subject’s material. Any admission of a mere glimmer of a question was rebuffed in a condescending manner that would make Howard Stern seem to have an attitude comparable to Pope Francis!

Now, bear in mind this was a CATHOLIC school!!!
(Typical for a concept that has been built off of a wonderful premise, and distilled and re-versed to so many weak bastard’s
convenience that it became a cult that is now a haven for those show judgement, hate, discriminate and violate the weak,
disadvantaged and/or “different.”)

Getting back to Mr. Prete..
A few weeks into the school year Mr. Prete told us about his activities outside the class room so he agreed to play some folk
songs.
The next day, Mr Prete played a sond made famous by “Leabelly,” The Midnight Special. Mr Prete made it look easy and he made
playing music seem like an uplifting experience, much the same way George Harrison made music look on Feb 9 1964. That day
hooked me… I no longer had “No direction” I wanted to play music and nothing else!!!

It was bound to happen… another sign of better days passed… approximately eight months ago.I decided to allow my subscription to Bass Player Magazine lapse…The last issue was schedule to be the one dated November 2012.

I played ONE gig this year (2012) and I was damned grateful for it. But, the fact that i don’t have a car doesn’t help and it doesn’t look as if that purchase will happen anytime soon. After a long string of bad starts or quitting projects or jobs too soon my losing music makes feel as if I’ve lost my one real life’s accomplishment. I really feel bad because music is the only thing I’ve ever done really well and it has been my one tangible connection to my youth, and my self-worth.

I act tragically optimistic, and post all kinds of upbeat stuff on Facebook, but deep inside I”m scared to death hoping against hope that something will turn up – a job that will pay more than $13 an hour, or a gig, or I might meet a woman who isn’t neurotic, and would accept me as the flawed, big child that I am. I DID meet a wonderful woman (who was in NO WAY, neurotic; in fact, she was and remains one of the most patient, giving, intelligent and elegant women on the planet.) in1991 and married her in 1992 then proceeded to screw up the relationship and get divorced in 1996.

Scared? yes, I AM scared to death of spending the rest of my life alone, of dying alone, of being just totally ignored by those in my circle who have, and justifiably so, more pressing issues on their plate than worrying about that goof who played music, fucked up relationships and employment as if another one would be along in a few days.

I spend a lot of time alone and I HATE it. when I was a kid I spent a lot of time alone because my parents who, after my brother died, tended to withdraw from social situations and it left me by myself to fend for myself to wander off and spend MANY lonely Sundays exploring every square inch of every neighborhood that was within walking distance from Richmond and Waveland Streets. I would think nothing of walking to Wrigley Field or Riverview Park, or to River Park at Foster and California. In those days there were no cell phones and me being lonely and wanting for something to do (and consequently losing track of time) probably worried my parents sick as they were still reeling from the loss of my Brother, Bill to a Rheumatic Heart in 1956.

So now it’s 50-some years later and my Sundays are just as crappy as they were back in the 50’s. The only difference is, if I wander off or get hit by a bus no one would know. I’m all I have, and that’s scary, too.

Well, today things got handed back to me….My LAST issue of Bass Player magazine was in my mailbox, today.

All of the thoughts that I have just blogged above came rushing back like a gust of wind before a thunderstorm. God, I pray to you that I’m wrong, but I feel alone, invisible and insignificant.

Honestly, I want one last chance to make a difference in the life someone other than me. I want to feel as selfless as those who I have been blessed to call friends.

Please realize this isn’t me looking for sympathy. I am merely putting a “reality check” into words. I’m not going to do anything rash; one attempt to end things was one too many. And It doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I still believe things will get better. right now I’m sick and I feel beat.

Thanks for reading this “brain fart.” If it makes sense please (or, even if it DOESN’T) please keep a good thought for me. I’ll be better soon. I am actively pursuing therapy in order to come to terms with these feelings.


I have moved!!! I am now on WordPress!!! (Hmm…there’s an echo – I wish I could     yodel…..)

Oh well, never mind….

Today I’ve decided to move this blog (such as it is) from blogspot.com to WordPress… I figured the change might inspire me to write more; I’d also rationalized that writing might relieve stress…. I dunno will see

I’m going to re read some of the old blogspot.com stuff and see if it’s worthy for “transplant.”  Please stay Tuned!!!